It’s not just Asians that can’t drive. It’s everyone.
On the road, it seems people transform into a bunch of inconsiderate pricks that forget the basic lessons we’re taught as kids – like how to share and wait in a line.
Not a single day goes by that I don’t encounter drivers on my commute that make me question the licensing system in the province of Ontario.
Honestly, I’ve seen kids at the Sega City go karts maneuver a motor vehicle better. I don’t know if these people are simply ignorant of how much they fail at driving, or if they just don’t care. Either way, the things I see these people do out on the road make me wish I had an automatic machine gun and rocket launcher attached to the front of my car. Aside from the inconvenience to me and other road users, this kind of inconsiderate driving is flat out dangerous and pisses the hell out of everyone.
One of the top contenders for road rage has to be the act of riding the left lane at or below the speed limit like it’s some sort of gateway into heaven.
Have you ever seen that fucking sign that says…
Well, in case you haven’t, the left lane of a highway, where there are at least two adjacent lanes of traffic moving in the same direction, according to the Ontario Ministry of Transportation is called the passing lane.
Its sole purpose is to allow people to… you guessed it….pass. Yes, it’s actually this simple. It really doesn’t need to be discussed, explained, or regurgitated any further. Yet for some mysterious reason, people seem to ride in it like the drive-thru lane at Tim Horton’s. Chances are, you or someone you know has been helplessly stuck behind one of these self-absorbed, inconsiderate jerks riding the left lane miles after miles.
But in case you didn’t know, the left most lane is not called the:
- I have a left exit coming up in 30 miles so I need to get over to be prepared lane
- I pay my taxes so I have the right to be here lane
- Drive the speed limit lane
So why do people ride the left lane like it’s some sort of accomplishment? Is it because we are “Canadians” and feel entitled to go where we please? Do cars magically get better gas mileage in the left lane? Or do people just not give a shit? I have absolutely no idea but what I can tell you is that I am that guy flashing my high beams and waving the bird at you.
SO PLEASE, MOVE YOUR ASS OVER.
The next brain-dead maneuver that causes me to go ape shit is what I call the “asshole merger”.
Now the asshole merger comes in many forms. It can be that guy in front of you that decides to merge onto the highway at 40 and nearly cause a fifteen car pile-up as cars fly by like fighter jets. It can also be that guy that decides to merge at the very last second despite the big yellow sign, 3 miles back, that said
“LANE ENDS. PLEASE MERGE”.
But the one that pisses me off the most is the “fly by” merger.
You see this at nearly every crowded intersection you drive through. One lane is clearly a dedicated turning lane (with those big fucking arrows) that everybody wants to use, and the other deserted lane that goes straight takes you to the other side of the earth. So being the intelligent human being you are, you turn your signal on and get in the lane to wait your turn like everybody else. Then out of nowhere, some douchebag speeds by three quarters of the line, slams on his brakes, and turns on his indicator as if he’s Stephen fucking Harper.
But what pisses me off even more? The fact that most people will actually let this clown into the lane. So if you happen to be the one he chooses to cut in front of, let me suggest to you a very simple solution.
Make him wait his fucking turn.
Now chances are this idiot didn’t even bother to use his indicator, which leads me to my next major cause of road rage.
This is an interesting concept. To me, using the signal is common sense; a natural reaction. But for some, the use of turn signals can be a challenging task. So I’ve decided to create a how-to guide on this art of using the turn indicator.
Locate the lever on the left side of the steering column (assuming you know left from right)
To signal a left turn, push the lever down (towards your feet)
To signal a right turn, push the lever up (towards the sky)
Once you have moved the lever up or down, an arrow will flash on your dashboard in the appropriate direction. Do not panic.
The signal will turn off after the turn has been made, but if it doesn’t, move the lever back to the center position.
You should now be able to make a proper lane change.
Now, am I sounding a bit instructive? Isn’t all of this common knowledge that even the worst of drivers should be capable of understanding?
Why then, do I continue to experience countless cars, trucks, busses, and SUV’s hopping between lanes, merging and swerving without a blink of indication?
It’s like a freaking real life version of frogger out there.
Oh, and while I’m at it, your four way flashers (that little button with a triangle) is not a “park wherever the fuck I want button”.
The point I’m trying to get across is to use your signals and indicators properly. Use them often and early enough that they actually perform their function. Let cyclists, pedestrians and motorists know what you’re doing so that they can have time to react instead of making them guess. Listen to what other drivers are telling you with their signals and learn to communicate with them before you have to blow your horn or flip them the old bird.
And communication extends beyond your turn signals and indicators too.
The “after you” or “thanks for letting me in” wave goes a long way and maybe, just maybe, even rubs off on other drivers.
Something that’s seriously lacking on our roads these days is a tiny bit of courtesy. Communicating with your fellow drivers might actually get you where you need to go faster rather than fighting with them like they slept with your sister. So try it out, you got nothing to lose.